Preparing for worship

November 4th, 2005 by Travis Swan | Posted in Theology

2 Corinthians 12:7-10: So to keep me from being too elated by the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Preparing for worship.

I struggle at times before services, just like I am doing right now. It is 3pm on Friday afternoon, in about an hour I have to get stuff into the auditorium and start setting up for soundcheck.

During this time every single week I get attacked, thoughts run through my head – and I’ll paraphrase what I just experienced in my head:

“Who do you think you are that you can lead people in worship? You’re just an imposter – posing as a man of God, when really you’re just a baby. You think you can be effective? Yeah right, look how defective and broken you are – you have no right to worship, let alone lead all these people that are so much farther along than you in your faith. Just give up now – you’re broken at the core, and you know it. To top all of this off, you’re exhausted, and sitting at home with a beer and a movie would be SO much better right now, wouldn’t it?”

At this point I’m usually alone with my thoughts – with an opportunity in front of me. I can retreat into myself and my own self-doubt and criticisim, or I can yield the thoughts to God and beg him to get me back on track. Sometimes I get so infected that I lose track of the night – and run right into a bad attitude. Sometimes I yield, and God pulls me back on track, excited and ready to go. But most of the time I think I’m somewhere in the middle of those two extremes. I have a surrendered attitude, but I’m not “feeling it,” which is what I’m facing right now.

Right now I feel as if I must get in control of myself, feel “on,” and be smart enough and good enough to do this worship thing right. But coming to God and leading others in worship of Him involves giving up that control and losing myself. Right now I don’t feel like losing myself, I feel like a loser, trying to create some sense of control. But, the Bible is full of losers – all those “heroes of faith” talked about in Hebrews. And I’m so caught up in being in control of myself and the service tonight that I don’t see this is exactly what God needs me to be in order to use me. A loser.

I’ve begun to hear a gentle voice in my head say something like:

“My Grace is sufficient for you. This is how I want you. Broken and willing to serve, content with your weakness so that I can shine through. I’m ok with you. Be content in me. This is when I use you for my Glory.”

Just a little glimpse into the world of Travis late on Friday afternoon before a Rock worship night.

This entry was posted on Friday, November 4th, 2005 at 3:31 pm and is filed under Theology. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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5 Responses to “Preparing for worship”

  1. On November 6th, 2005 at 5:43 pm; Matt said:

    Thanks for posting this, Travis. A lot of times I find myself praying “Lord, please lead your people in worship tonight, because I do not have the skill or insight or wisdom or strength to.”

    He usually answers that prayer :)

  2. On November 6th, 2005 at 8:09 pm; ben said:

    I seem to do the same thing, so at least we’re on common ground here ;o)… I often find myself sitting at starbucks up the street from church just thinking “Ben, what the heck are you doing?”… But I’ve always appreciated how God reminds me that he doesn’t need me, but that he’s chosen me

  3. On December 23rd, 2005 at 9:46 am; Danny said:

    Please don’t take this the wrong way, but how does this relate to theology? It seems to be more of a personal experience rather than an espousing of a biblical truth taught in Scripture.

    Again, not trying to disrespect what you’ve written – I’ve experienced similar things in helping lead in worship. I’m just trying to understand where you’re coming from.

    Thanks! Danny

  4. On December 23rd, 2005 at 5:00 pm; Travis said:

    Danny,

    For lack of a “personal experience and related Bible truths” category, I put this post under the “theology” section of the site.

    However, I generally think of theology as rational inquiry into Biblical truth – in this case the truth that in our weakness, God is proven strong, so I didn’t have a problem with posting it under ‘theology.”

    I welcome any other thoughts or suggestions you may have on this subject – proper “espousing” methods, things like that.

    -Travis

  5. On December 24th, 2005 at 12:04 pm; Danny said:

    I understand, I just wasn’t getting where you were coming from. Not trying to come across as one trying to set you straight, just being inquisitive.
    Thanks for your response.

    Danny

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